


Beloved Squire

by AlterImpulse



Category: Xenogears
Genre: Citan is a fount of tmi and overthinking during sex, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Ficlet, Gay Sex, M/M, Mostly Pwp, No Plot/Plotless, Oral Sex, POV Third Person Limited, Rough Oral Sex, Shapeshifting, Short, Short One Shot, Symbolism, blowjob, but some plot, fantasy DID, only in xenogears fandom is a shapeshifter blowjob part of a day's writing, references to fei's past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 04:36:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18175934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlterImpulse/pseuds/AlterImpulse
Summary: Two years post canon, mostly PWP with some plot, third person limited Citan POV, inspired by an Oscar Wilde quote, "love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling." Citan wishes to give the very best the Guardian Angel can to the Slayer of God...





	Beloved Squire

Fei’s body seemed so exquisitely perfect. And while he knew the _why_ intellectually \- both the intense training and that he was the being that he was - it never ceased to be so intensely alluring to him on such a level of physical desire and lust. 

Especially there, naked and hard in every sense of the word, just out of the bath they had shared, long brown soft hair still dripping with water, perfect lightly tanned skin with the scars here and there from their experiences - the worst being the jagged scar on his chest from the open heart surgery he himself had done, to save Fei’s life from that bullet fired into him two years before that had finally shattered into shrapnel months ago - yet even it served as a reminder of strength and power… no one without it could have survived.

“You’re staring… like what you see?”

“I absolutely love it. And you, Fei.” A kiss, as they embraced, hot lips crushed against his own, that intense passion and need that drove him all melting into their kisses, Fei’s hands between them, fingers gently working the piercing in his left nipple that Sigurd had talked him into last year… it had definitely been worth it, for the sensation it added to this. The thought ran through his mind in a moment, as Fei moved those scarred, calloused yet still oddly soft in their own way hands over his shoulders, into his hair as they kissed more, bodies pressed up against each other so intimately in that embrace…

“Please,” Fei whispered breathlessly as he broke from the kiss. “Anything. I just need to…”

“I once read, ‘love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling.’ And… I am certain not many others have done that for you.” Citan smiled and kissed him once more on the lips. “I would be honored.”

The intense blush that shaded Fei’s face, and yet the way his eyes seemed to widen in shock at the suggestion, felt almost as it were its own pleasure. “You… um, don’t  _ have  _ to, I know people don’t like to do that!”

“I  _ want  _ to, Fei.” He was on his knees already, Fei’s hands in his hair, holding onto his head, and he could have just gone for it, as they both seemed to desire in that moment, yet the idea of teasing him itself seemed enticing from just how on edge he already appeared. This fine art of negotiating the people involved, the adrenaline rush of pleasuring Fei but knowing that the slightest error in judgement could be another incident but that  _ he _ was in control of that and Fei and Id both trusted him to be…

He would draw it out slowly, make Fei almost  _ demand  _ it from him, would see that side of him that had to become their own person. The form just  _ begin _ to shift under his touch… the thought sent a rush of blood into his cock like little else did, and the feeling of his lover squirming as tongue flicked against abs and that cute bellybutton - that was incomparable to him.

“I… oh,  _ what _ are you doing that feels so good and yet...and…”

“You are rather ticklish, are you not, Fei? Would you enjoy it if I kept that up?”

“Just… mmm, can you… do something that…” Fei’s hands pulled his head downward, and he let him, and he stared for a moment. Aside from the botched attempt at a Shevatian circumcision that had left some of the foreskin intact and some not, Fei would have had what would anyone would consider the perfect cock, he thought, and even that provided its own appeal to him, that of novelty, of uniqueness - even if it also served as a reminder of the pain his lover had once gone through in so many ways he still could barely remember to speak of…

He wanted it in his mouth then, as he saw the head beginning to wet - Fei had never been very good at holding back for too long, though that did not bother him very much - it was, he understood, something that one developed through time and experience, something that a man of twenty barely had. How quickly he recovered usually made up for it well enough, an hour of kisses and touches and just… being there, together and it would almost invariably be the same, Fei giving him that look of intense lust, almost pleading, his body more than ready for another round… or another three or four in one night.

Yet, he wanted to tease a little longer,  _ make  _ Fei develop that experience, that would give them more time before the end for him. He let his fingers move on the sac, stroking, rubbing, his lips on Fei’s inner thigh for a few quick kisses.

The way he shivered beneath him at that, to feel and see just how much Fei could enjoy this act… it left him almost overwhelmed with pleasure in Fei’s own. “Do you like…” he whispered, and paused as he kissed the head gently, flicking his tongue against the slit, something that made Fei groan deeply, the grip of his hands tight in his hair. He held back for a few moments, as he knew  _ that  _ sound, the one Fei usually made right before coming, could see his body tensed, shaking…

“I...we… need this, now!” Fei hissed. “I’m… stop teasing me…”

_ That _ was when he knew. When he looked up at Fei’s face to see one golden eye and one brown, soft tendrils of red hair beginning to mix with brown… something about seeing both of them there in him, it did not make him afraid as much as it made him  _ need.  _ That body, that cock in his mouth, as much as  _ both _ men that shared that form craved for it to be there.

He had not been expecting it to be that fast, that rough, that sloppy from the beginning, and it almost caught him off guard. Fei was _fucking_ his mouth, his throat with no concern for anything but his need to just _get off_ _right now_ , and that almost was its own surprise for a moment. He caught his breath through his nose, realizing that anything like that way he knew how to move his tongue on the underside or that humming technique Sigurd used on him would have to wait for another time, and focused more on just keeping his lips over his teeth - a bite _there_ would most likely not be the best of ideas.

Nonetheless, the sounds of pleasure from Fei were more than worth it, the moans, the almost sob and the whimper about not being able to take much more followed with the grunt as if he had been hit hard in battle, then the strangled cry of “make me, please, just  _ make me come,” _ as Fei pulled back from his throat for just a moment.

_ So you  _ do _ need more than just that _ , he thought, and tried to remember how Sigurd had done that,  _ it could not be just humming could it, there had to be something _ -

_ That _ sound, he knew, once more, and this time they could not hold back. It built into a near-feral wail and a sigh of relief all at once, a harsh moan. He tasted it, as his mouth filled and come dripped from it, and swallowed what he could of it, licking the escaped drops from his lips.

Fei gave him an odd look at that, as he seemed to regain awareness, from where he had fallen back onto the bed. “You… you  _ like that _ ?”

“So? Of course I do. It is a rather odd taste nothing else on this planet has, and you do know I enjoy things that no one else has or knows.” Citan smiled at him, then laid down on the bed. “So… why did you return here anyway? I thought you would never find anything of value back here with me, and you are back here… and… it has been the best month of my life since… since everything…”

“Things happened.  _ He _ didn’t disappear like I thought he would once… once we knew we both existed.”

“More like  _ Fei  _ still has not disappeared,” Id’s voice, from his body. “His idealism and ignorance makes my skin crawl. And he can’t even comprehend that we share now, and neither of us are leaving.”

“I think I am beginning to understand. Is Elly…”

“I didn’t kill her, if that’s what you’re afraid of. That pathetic coward left her. He was afraid I would. And… I won’t lie, I’ve thought of it. I’ve only held back with her for his sake…”

“What about me then? Id… I cannot… if you would-“

“I like you. And I meant it. I don’t think I could ever -love-, the word makes my skin crawl as much as having to observe when he is awake in that pathetic form. But… you…. I feel something with that I can’t explain.” Id grinned. “Not to mention you… when I’m with you, I don’t see  _ her.  _ I see  _ you. _ And… hmph. Have him back. I’m tired.”

Fei blinked and looked around himself. “Mm. Must have been daydreaming again.”

“Actually… do you know that Id and I were speaking?”

“No…” Fei closed his eyes. “That was why she left for Nisan to be with Margie… I came back to see if we could go there to look for her… and somehow…”

“...I presume your plans, now, have changed, then?”

“...They have.” Fei smiled at him. “Hopefully they’re having as good of a time as we have been…”

“I am certain of it. Although the Sisters are likely getting a lesson in other configurations of Angel statues."

**Author's Note:**

> Real people don't shapeshift, and the great majority of people with DID or similar dissociative disorders are not violent like Fei's alter Id. Here's links for real, researched info. Don't get your info on dissociation and DID from Xenogears, okay? :)
> 
> https://themighty.com/2017/10/how-to-help-dissociative-episode/
> 
> https://themighty.com/2016/10/what-dissociation-feels-like/
> 
> https://themighty.com/2016/06/self-care-tips-for-dissociation/
> 
> https://www.nami.org/learn-more/mental-health-conditions/dissociative-disorders
> 
> https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/dissociative-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355215
> 
> Any practice, act, or kink depicted in this story is not depicted for my own sake but for what I thought would fit the characters. It is a fictional story. Do not imitate or replicate any acts of violence, sex, or anything else depicted in this story. If you are under 18 years of age, close this page immediately, and if someone has shown it to you/directed you toward it, please be aware they are abusing you.


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